Saturday, October 20, 2007
O.K. , My friend Billy blogged the following:
AMERICAN FOOTBALL: THE GIRLY SPORT
The Rugby World Cup is approaching its finals, and one thing has been made perfectly clear to this American ex-pat: American football players are ballerina tutu wearing, Barbie-doll playing, crying little sissy girls playing a sport that is about as masculine as two cheerleaders air-slapping each other in a fight over who gets to use the last tampon in their hello kitty purse.
I make no claim to be an expert on Rugby- but here is what should be obvious to even a casual observer.
In Rugby, a match takes about 100 minutes from beginning to end. The game is in constant motion, and the players are on the run the entire time. The only break of any kind is for half time.
American football games take around 4 hours (240 minutes.) There is a little bit of action every 3 or 4 minutes, if you are lucky. There are constant commercial interruptions, during which time, the NFL players give each other sponge baths and pedicures.
Rugby sides consist of 13 or 15 players (depending on whether it is League or Union.) An entire side (team) will consist of 30 players. While there are of course different positions, all of the players are required to run, tackle, kick and potentially get smashed in the head over and over again.
The Miami Dolphins football team (according to Wikipedia) consists of 70 players. Only 11 of which play at any given time. Some players only kick the ball, then leave to go home to their husbands and children. It is quite common for players on the same team to never meet each other over the course of a season.
Rugby players are scary. If you've never seen the New Zealand All-Blacks perform their ritual Haka before a match, I suggest you watch it here. Or take a look at Sebastien Chabal (right), the French rugby player they call "the caveman."
American football players have big asses. Each team consists of a few quick, fit players, surrounded by fat, lumbering behemoths.
And the top reason American football is a sissy sport: Protection. In order to play football, you need to put on about 30 pounds of gear. Shin guards, knee guards, shoulder pads, vagina guards and a big 'ole helmet. For rugby, which is about three or four times more brutal, they wear shirts and shorts and that's it. I've seen players get heads cracked open, with blood coming down their face jump up and get back on the pitch.
Why do Americans like this girly sport, and inexplicably think of football players as masculine icons? I leave it to you to answer that question:
The thing is, as you can see, is that BIlly's blog was funny, but the comments got better:
Dave of Boston says:
I like oranges better than apples. People who prefer apples are stupid.
Rugby is a sport for little kids. They basically throw the ball in the middle of the field and run around pushing each other around trying to grab it. American football is like modern warfare; there’s blitzes, trench warfare, elaborate complex strategy, wireless communications. American football players are the best athletes in the world. The average lineman can bench over 400 pounds AND run the 40 at sprinter speeds. To be a wideout, you need almost world class speed.
Dave- You have indeed figured out the BillySmash formula.
Mario- You have not responded to any of the salient points in my blog about American football. Your references to warfare and athleticism have nothing to do with my blog’s premise. After all- girls are athletic and are involved in war as soldiers and officers. My point about football being girly is that they aren’t actually tough. 70 men playing a 4 hour game wearing tons of protective gear is like sending your daughter out to ride her bike on training wheels in the back yard while wearing a helmet.
You smell like poo. You like rugby. Therefore Rugby is poo.
Dave of Boston says:
It seems that not a day without some gridiron player out on the streets of Hometown, USA smashing his cabbage sized hands into the face of a guy half his size, brandishing firearms in some strip club or careening out of control in a supercharged car that he never learned to properly drive. The toughest rugby players in the world can’t compete with that level of scariness, because stupid is empirically scarier than tough, and rich and stupid is outright terrifying.
Incidentally, the average American Football game lasts closer to three hours (the first set of games all start at 1.00pm and the second set all start at 4.00pm).